“I hope you know.. I hope you know.. that this is nothing to do with you..” I still remember those lines sang by my crush wayback during my HS days. Btw, he’s a gay that’s why he loves to sing that Fergie song. Haha. Well, that’s another story to tell for another time. Since then, after I heard that lines from him, that’s became one of my fave song, and as I repeatedly listen to it, I always loved to hear those last lines saying, “It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girls don’t cry”.
I was just teenager then, when I agree and strongly believed in that song, that big girls really don’t cry. I just even remember that there was one moment in my life wherein I told myself that I will never cry again, because I want to be strong and I just thought that to be strong means not to cry, and so I strive for it.. but definitely failed to achieve it.
As I grow old, I’ve learned to grow up especially in my spiritual life. As a Christian, I came to realize a lot of things, from shallow things to deeper issues, that’s kinda different from what I believe before. I came to realize that the real strong person are not those who pretend to smile while their hearts are really broke nor those person who don’t cry at all but the real ones are those brave enough to cry out their feelings – they are the real big ones. I remember one time in a sunday service, my pastor said, “It’s okay not to be okay… as long as you don’t stay there”. There’s nothing wrong in pretending you’re fine, what I’m just saying is, it’s not the best way to face the reason behind that. Be the real big one — don’t stay there… cry it out. Learn to cry it out to God and be humble to give all your worries, burden, even sadness and anger to Him. He is the God of all and our great comforter. Cry it out until your tears comes dry. Cry it out and after that learn to stand again. Learn to smile again. Never let your heart be full of things that will definitely hinders you to be happy.
I can really admit that I’m not yet that big girl and strong but I can also say that I am no longer the one who used to believe that big girls don’t cry. One thing I realized is that, it really takes a humble heart to be strong, because to able to be strong, you must admit that you’re actually weak and you can’t help yourself just by your own. You need to admit that without the help of others and without the guidance of the Lord, you will never be that strong person you’re aiming to be. I know that without God, I am nothing.. but with Him, I can be the person He wants me to be. That I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me and that with Him, everything is possible. And yet, even in those seems impossible situations, God always reminds us to cast all our burdens to Him. It’s just a matter of giving all yours to God. Are you ready to give it all to Him? This is the time. It’s time to be a big girl now, and big girl do cry — cry it all to God.